Eamonn Gavigan

How many men does it take to make a hole three inches in diameter and about six inches deep?

Well, if they are from the Royal and Ancient, eight.

One to hold the tape, one to press the contraption which makes the hole into the ground and six to make sure they are doing it right.

They must have been higher up the ladder than the two labourers. They had their hands in their pockets, a sure sign they must be bosses.

It was tough going on the 17th green. The wind was blowing pretty strong an d one of them had to take a hand out of his pocket to hold the other end of the tape.

It’s a very concise science making a hole in a green, especially if it’s one of the Major championships.

The another two men arrived. One was carrying a stimpmeter to tell you how fast the ball rolls on the green.

By now, David Duval had played up to the green. All work stopped. Now we had eight men with their hands in their pockets. Duval came and went and it was back to work for our eight intrepid heroes.

The boy with the stimpmeter was first to react. He set it down in the middle of the green and rolled a ball down the ramp. The other six looked at each other. After about a dozen rolls down the ramp ,they all nodded in agreement - this is where the hole is going to be tomorrow.

It took about an hour to make the decision. If only they had asked Lee Westwood. He thinks the whole bloody green should be dug up anyway.